Kim Carter (50 Over 50 Vol. 2)
It’s always fun and meaningful to bring personal elements to a photoshoot. Kim is wearing her maternal grandmother’s coat, who passed away from breast cancer before Kim was born.
When Kim was 45, she was unexpectedly diagnosed with advanced cancer. Through her journey of healing Kim shares a very personal story with us, the advice she was given along the way, and how it shaped her outlook.
“In March of 2012, my mother was diagnosed with stage 1 ductal breast cancer. She was deeply concerned to receive such a diagnosis yet the oncologist remained confident that it was caught early and she would overcome this bump in her physical health. Surgery removed the offender. Ongoing discussion of chemo and radiation occurred while the waited on the test results to arrive.
Three weeks later, I had a general well check with the gynecologist who discovered that I had a mass in my left breast. I was whisked away for immediate imaging. I left that day knowing something was deeply wrong. The next appointment was with a surgeon who performed a routine biopsy. It was excruciatingly painful and the doctor was apologetic. Several minutes later, he delivered the news that I had advanced cancer requiring a mastectomy, chemo and radiation. I was shocked. Jeff, my husband, was shocked. Then the tears began to fall. I cried and cried without ceasing. We pulled into a random parking lot to try and help me gather myself before walking into my mom’s house as she was keeping my three girls, aged 12, 9, and 6. I thought I was going to die. We walked into my mom’s house and I will never forget the horror she exuded in her expression. She could read the desperation on my face and she was terribly afraid. She watched her own mother die a horrible death from breast cancer. Now she has breast cancer and her daughter did too. This marks the beginning of a journey between mother and child enduring the trials and tribulation of something horrid and beautiful all mixed up at once.
Kim and her mom, Patricia.
What has it meant to share this journey with my mom? I would never have wished to have cancer. And I would never have wished this cancer on another person. Yet, I was placed in an unusual circumstance where mother and daughter had cancer at the same time. It was devastation, sadness, loss, pity, support, looking for signs of hope, wishing one another a better day, growth, fear, love, a bond. It was a symbiotic relationship where we leaned on one another. She supported me when I was down or unwell and I supported her when she was overcome by depression and felt as if she could not get out of bed. We shared the same oncologist, had chemo together, lost our hair together, sat at the pool bald together, cried together, healed together and survived together. Again, I would never wish cancer on a person, but I am grateful that I had my mom with whom to share such an experience.
Through my deep despair my vice principal called me in the office to talk. She shared her mother’s cancer diagnosis and how it was not about her but what she could do with her experience. So, what was I going to do with this experience?
That was the moment where I gained control of the situation. What was I going to do about it? As an educator, I felt like I had a story and experience to share. I no longer feared what was to come. I felt empowered to take control of something horrid to help others understand what it is like to receive chemotherapy treatment, radiation, surgery, reconstruction, modifications, and life afterward. The end result is that I’ve helped countless women who share similar situations and perhaps their friends and families too. Taking power of it and focusing on something other than myself was a meaningful way to tell my story and yet not dwell on the severity of the situation,” said Kim.
“It was a symbiotic relationship where we leaned on one another. She supported me when I was down or unwell and I supported her when she was overcome by depression and felt as if she could not get out of bed. We shared the same oncologist, had chemo together, lost our hair together, sat at the pool bald together, cried together, healed together and survived together. ”
Society drives women to believe that their outward beauty must fit the images that are displayed in front of us. They arrive in magazines, on constant repeat on social media platforms. Images are on billboards, brochures, and screens. In our visual society, it is almost impossible to escape the comparison and influence a perfectionistic society has placed on people, especially women. Perhaps, the incessant demands for a woman's time, generally speaking, has caused this perceived need that we should be physically someone we are not. Women are daughters, spouses, mothers, household managers, employers, employees, fundraisers, creators, and problem solvers. The list continues to define the role of the woman on a daily basis. As a result, women are often left depleted. They lack the time and energy to fulfill the outward beauty part of it all. They lack the time to do what fulfills them from within. Time and the ability to focus on the self is a key ingredient to having the well-rounded beauty we truly seek.
I‘ve encountered quite a few myths about aging through this project and my own experiences. One is not learning or attempting new things. “I see myself with an attitude of possibility rather than impossibility. I’ve always been an active person, and the older I get the more active I’ve become. I began participating in cross fit style exercise classes. I have been challenged to do things I never thought I could do, and it has been the best addition to my life this year. I also began learning Swahili as a fun activity to keep my brain stimulated and engaged,” Kim mentioned.
Advice to her 20 year old self: I would tell myself to live in the moment more and worry less about others and their influence or opinions. I would encourage me to spend more time with the elders that surround me for they are wise beyond measure.
**Kim was gifted a 50 over 50 photoshoot. “I am honored and grateful to receive this, and enjoyed taking time to focus on myself as well as doing something in front of the camera which I’ve never done before.It was a positive experience as it allowed me the time to be uniquely celebrated and valued.
There are parts of my personality that were not revealed in the photos yet I was surprised to see other parts of my personality discovered in the photos. This experience felt special, out of the ordinary and a gift to have time and space dedicated to just me,” she said.